Author Walkie Talkie Book Club

Sense of Self: What I know for sure…

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I don’t like to be scared.

I never have.  I have vivid memories of older cousins creating haunted houses in the basement before Thanksgiving dinner (what’s up with that? couldn’t let go of Halloween?) and participating in hay rides with ghost stories and watching scary movies… none of them enjoyable to me.  I would participate (because I’m social that way) but it was never anything I looked forward to or enjoyed.  I remember going through the Haunted House at the MN State Fair one year and being rooted to one spot, refusing to move, as arms were reaching out to grab me.  How terrifying.

I’m so rational and grown up now (ha!) that I don’t have as many fears as I did when I was younger and irrational thinking could get the best of me.  But I still won’t enjoy scary movies or attending scary or risky events.

Halloween is coming up now, so talk about costumes and events is at the forefront.  I’m also not a big costume person, preferring to wear my own clothes and be comfortable rather than pretending to be someone else, so I haven’t dressed up dressed up for Halloween in a long time.  Last year I went as Facebook and simply carried around some tagboard with a hole cut into it for my profile picture.  It was fun to have people write on my wall all through the night.

Halloween 2010

Other years I put on black clothes and cat ears and call it good. Probably the last “costume” I wore was an old bridesmaid dress with a crown and sash proclaiming “Queen of Everything.”

This year I have choir on Halloween night, so I won’t even be home to dish out the goodies.  Who knows what the weekend will bring, but what I know for sure is that I will not be wearing a costume and walking through spooky forests looking for a fright!

Off to read…

A Sense of Connection: LaoTong

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Cover of "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan:...

Cover of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan: A Novel

Almost two weeks ago I went with my friend Cindy to see the movie “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.”  We are both Lisa See fans and read this book in preparation of seeing the movie this summer… and then thought we’d be renting it (ala “Jane Eyre”) but it came to Rochester with an Independent Movie Series!  Yay!

We both agreed that it was a beautiful movie, even with the modern storyline which wasn’t part of the book.  The book tells the story of two girls who are matched to be LaoTongs, or Old Sames, at a young age.  Wikipedia and Lisa See (the author) describe LaoTongs in this way:

Lao Tong or Old Sames was a more rare and formal relationship between women and was exclusive and life-long. Women of suitable birthdays, ages, backgrounds and birth-signs would be paired this way in a bond of exclusive sisterhood that would last a lifetime and would survive marriage, child-birth and widow-hood. A Lao Tong relationship would be rarely renounced or broken. (Wikipedia)

“A laotong match is as significant as a good marriage,” Lily’s aunt explained. “A laotong relationship is made by choice for the purpose of emotional companionship and eternal fidelity. A marriage is not made by choice and has only one purpose – to have sons.” “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan” is the story of such a friendship. (Lisa See)

I haven’t been paired with an Old Same since birth, but I do have friendships with amazing women that have survived (ha!) marriages and children and distance.  I also see great value in creating meaningful relationships and maintaining connections with them.  After I read “The Girls from Ames” I set out to create a group of women that meets monthly to create a real-life network of amazing women, to learn from each other and support each other.  We are in our second year and our time together is something I look forward to each month!

The Chinese women sworn to be Old Sames used a secret women’s language – nushu – to communicate with each other.  We use Facebook, email, or phone calls to maintain connection with those who live a distance away, or we use walks, dinners, or girls’ night out to maintain and grow connections with those we can have more frequent contact with. No need to send servants between villages and households with secret language written on fans, but we can write letters to be delivered by the US Postal Service.

With the release of the DVD on 11/1, many book clubs are having LaoTong Nights – groups of women getting together to watch the movie and discuss their female friendships and the things they do (or can do) to maintain connections.  Below is the information they are encouraging people to think about and discuss as they think about their friendships and watch “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.”

What would you add to the list below?  Have you ever planned a way to reconnect with someone you lost touch with?

Lily and Snow Flower had an intense friendship that lasted a lifetime.  Nushu helped them communicate and remain close, even in distance.  Everyone has that old friend they have known for a long time, yet find it hard to keep in touch.  Both get busy with their separate lives and don’t take the time to catch up with one another.  In honor of Snow Flower and the Secret Fancoming to Blu-ray and DVD November 1st, here’s a guide for keeping in touch with your besties, through whatever life may put between you.

Write Letters

There’s nothing like a handwritten letter to let someone know that you care and are thinking about them. Make a point of writing to your long-distance friend at least once a month, and giving them updates on what’s going on in your life, and asking what’s new in their life. If you’re so inclined, you can include photos or other small tokens of your friendship with your letters. This simple, heartfelt update will go a long way in making your friendship last.

Take a Trip Together

If it’s within both of your budgets, you and your bestie should take a trip together! Meet up in different places each year – places that are either meaningful to you both, or places that you two have always wanted to visit together. Have a weekend in Las Vegas, a week at the theme parks in Orlando, a glamorous trip to Hollywood, or a long, restful weekend in New England. Making new memories (or reliving old ones) will help keep your friendship vibrant.

Skype

One of the greatest inventions for modern day friendships is Skype. Making a weekly or biweekly “Skype date” can give you a chance to both talk to and see your long-distance friend on a regular basis. Best of all, Skype is free to use, even if you’re video-chatting someone internationally! Skype is great because, in addition to getting to hear your friend’s voice, you can also actually show them what’s new with you, or do something new together!

Start an Online Photo Album

There are so many different ways to share photos online these days, and you and your friend should take advantage of that! You can make a private album that only the two of you can access (you can do this on Facebook, PhotoBucket, etc.), and then you can both upload and comment on each other’s photos and keep up with what’s going on in each other’s lives.

Send Each Other Gifts

If you’re ever out shopping and see a little something that reminds you of your friend, or something you think your friend would love, why not send it to them? With USPS’ Flat Rate Boxes, you can send as much as you want to your long-distance friend for a small fee. Why not make a care package, filled with things you know they like (like homemade treats, or products specific to your area that they can’t get where they live)? If you exchange small gifts every few months, it will remind your friend that you’re thinking about them, and help you two stay friends forever.

Books: A Vintage Affair

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A Vintage Affair: A Novel 

A Vintage Affair: A Novel

by Isabel Wolff (Goodreads Author)

GOODREADS SYNOPSIS:  Every dress has a history. And so does every woman.

In Isabel Wolff’s captivating A Vintage Affair, a treasured child’s coat becomes a thread of hope connecting two very different women.
 
Her friends are stunned when Phoebe Swift abruptly leaves a plum job at the prestigious Sotheby’s auction house to open her own vintage clothing shop in London—but to Phoebe, it’s the fulfillment of a dream. In the sunlight-flooded interior of Village Vintage, surrounded by Yves Saint Laurent silk scarves, Vivienne Westwood bustle skirts, cupcake dresses, and satin gowns, Phoebe hopes to make her store the hot new place to shop, even as she deals with two ardent suitors, her increasingly difficult mother, and a secret from her past that casts a shadow over her new venture.

For Phoebe, each vintage garment carries its own precious history. Digging for finds in attics and wardrobes, Phoebe is rewarded whenever she finds something truly unique, for she knows that when you buy a piece of vintage clothing, you’re not just buying fabric and thread—you’re buying a piece of someone’s past. But one particular article of clothing will soon unexpectedly change her life.

Thérèse Bell, an elderly Frenchwoman, has an impressive clothing collection. But among the array of smart suits and couture gowns, Phoebe finds a child’s sky-blue coat—an item with which Bell is stubbornly reluctant to part. As the two women become friends, Phoebe will learn the tale of that little blue coat. And she will discover an astonishing connection between herself and Thérèse Bell—one that will help her heal the pain of her own past and allow her to love again.

Danette‘s review

4 of 5 stars

A sweet little story about how one decision can change your life and about living with regrets. Leaving behind her successful career at Sotheby’s, Phoebe opens a vintage clothing store. Ms. Wolff writes beautifully about the appeal of vintage clothing and the story is simply sweet and touching.

Sense of Direction

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Direction

Well, it’s Friday and I blogged five days in a row.  I didn’t know if I’d get it done today, as I really feel under the weather.  It’s just a head/chest cold but makes thinking clearly a task.

So all I’m going to say about a Sense of Direction is that it is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately, probably obvious to all my friends and family.  What now?  Where do I want to be in the next few months?  What am I passionate about doing? What will this next journey in my life look like?

Deadra asked the other day if I had received my November O Magazine yet, and I have, but I am pretty lucky if I get the issue for the current month read in the current month, so I have just started October.  November’s issue is written for me, she says. 🙂  “Find your true calling.”  I can’t wait to start it!

Off to read!

Sense of Adventure

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RedBull cliff diving world series championship...

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The fourth Satellite Sisters’ sense is adventure.  It’s hard to say if I’m adventurous or not… I don’t like to take risks with my life, so I will never climb a mountain or ride a motorcycle over parked school buses or run with the bulls in Pamplona or scuba dive with sharks.  I have gotten braver over the years, but I still prefer safety nets.

So my sense of adventure is satisfied by going out on a limb and singing a solo or attending a party where I won’t know hardly anyone or spontaneously agreeing to the next great adventure.

I’ll have to stretch myself here… 🙂

Next week.

Off to read!

Sense of Humor

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Garfield (character)

Ah, Garfield. Image via Wikipedia

I love comics.  Since forever.  When I was younger, like 10 or so, I used to cut out the Garfield comics from the Sunday funnies and put them in a scrapbook (can you say nerd much?).  I thought he was the best – so sardonic and pessimistic.  And that dopey Odie.  And poor John.  Ah.  I would read all the comics but would only cut out Garfield, for some reason. (And have you seen the website Garfield Minus Garfield? – hilarious!)

The comics are still my favorite section of the newspaper and I get a comics newsletter sent to my email every day.  I’ve gone through Far Side phases and Calvin & Hobbes periods.  Recently I’ve found Pearls Before Swine to be pretty witty.  I’ve purchased calendars and datebooks only for the comics (love the New Yorker!).  My favorite cocktail napkins and party invites feature Dolly Mama.  I love smart comics and classic comics.  I still cut them out when they are super good or pertinent to something happening in life.

A sense of humor is pretty important to me, I guess, and I especially love it when it doesn’t come at anyone’s expense!

What’s your favorite comic?  Do you read them every day?

Off to read!

A Sense of Self

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Found Words: Question Marks

Image by rosefirerising via Flickr

Wow.  So this isn’t going to be easy, is it?  A Sense of Self…  What does that mean?  I think that I have done a lot of self-reflection, especially lately, but at many different points in my life.  Lately I’ve been thinking about what the next part of my life will bring – new challenges and adventures, new people and opportunities. Although I am a person who likes to talk things out with others, I also am a person who trusts instincts and makes decisions on “what feels right.”  Is that because I have a good sense of who I am and what I can do?  Is that what good instincts are from?

When I googled “sense of self,” a webpage came up about how reading expands our sense of self.  I love reading so I read on… It goes on to say that when we are reading a book, we identify with the characters of the book and psychologically become part of their community.  We become vampires or students at Hogwarts or women of Biblical times.  And we can get as much satisfaction from these relationships as real-life relationships.  It comes from a desire to belong to a group.  Interesting to think about, eh?  I’ve always encouraged people to “feed their heads” with good things, because it would be awful to identify yourself with a group of racists or murderers.  Hmmmm…  Stuff to think about.

So where does this go?  I guess I’ll keep thinking about who I am and what I want and what I believe and will keep writing about it from time to time (on Tuesdays for a while).

And in the meantime, I found this on facebook from a few years ago:  25 Things about me.  I should update it – maybe that will be my assignment for this week – but it’s a glimpse into February 2009.  🙂

Off to read!

25 Things about Danette Grimsrud

by Danette Grimsrud on Saturday, February 14, 2009 at 4:12pm

1. I love lists. Some that I’m currently working on: books I want to read, movies I want to see, books I have read, movies I have seen. And see #2.

2. I turned 40 in 2008 and I had a list of 40 THINGS TO DO BEFORE TURNING 40. I didn’t complete the list (durn flood) but had a good time trying! Now I’m working on a list of 40 THINGS TO DO IN MY 40s. That gives me some time.

3. I remember weird things and forget lots of things.

4. I have a Christmas letter written that I haven’t sent out yet. Maybe this weekend? Yikes.

5. If given a choice, I will always choose eat out at a Chinese or Asian restaurant.

6. My daughter wouldn’t friend me at first and had to create a “family” facebook page so that she could join in all our fun. :-p

7. I love my job but it does have its heavy moments. Especially lately. I just want to bring kids home with me.

8. During my commute I mostly listen to podcasts. I’m very out of touch with the “pop” music scene right now. Podcasts I listen to regularly: Weekend America (last episode was 1/31 (sad sad), NPR Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, This American Life, The Satellite Sisters/The Chaos Chronicles. Others I hit now and again: anything Ricky Gervais, Oprah, iTunes book chat with authors, The Flight of the Conchords videocasts.

9. I can’t stand sports on television, with the exception of soccer. I think that the commentators for soccer don’t talk much so it’s just crowd noise. I haven’t watched a lot but during the World Cup enjoyed it a lot. Love to watch almost anything live. Although I think I’d never watch boxing or fighting.

10. I was a “Hot Box Dancer” in Guys and Dolls when I was 12.

11. I love to sing and sang a solo in a concert almost two years ago. It was the song, “Crossword Puzzle.”

12. I love crossword puzzles. But I bought a book of them recently that was just stupid. I was doing the NY Times puzzles for almost a year. Could complete a MONDAY puzzle without looking for answers. Even did a TUESDAY once. Never ever a SUNDAY.

13. I love to travel. I would love to plan trips for people.

14. I get great pleasure from sitting in a movie theatre and watching anything fun on the big screen. When I’m there I always wonder why I don’t do it more often. Last weekend was a two-movie weekend – pure bliss.

15. I have been to New York City three times. In 1991 or so with Lisa, in 1999 with Deadra and Marissa and in 2008 with Deadra. I could go back yearly, finances permitting, or even more often, just for a few days. It’s so fun to see the museums, the shows, the people. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of it.

16. I have 368 movies in my Netflix queue. Yikes.

17. I try to not eat at franchise restaurants, especially when I’m in a new place. It’s fun to hit the kitschy little places. My favorite was the little polka-dotted diner somewhere in western Minnesota on the way to Pierre. What a hoot.

18. David Letterman over Jay Leno any day.

19. The song with the highest play count on my iTunes is “Moon River” by Henry Mancini. Out of 5097 items.

20. I collect coffee cups from Broadway Shows. And music from Broadway shows. And programs from Broadway shows I’ve seen. And ticket stubs from movies. Nothing too big or that takes up too much space. Probably could say I collect books and movies and music too, but no snowmen or figurines or anything.

21. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I love anything that celebrates gratitude.

22. I use firefox instead of internet explorer. (Now I’m reaching for things to say!)

23. I have a blog. About my book and movie habits. It’s a form of list-making.

24. I’ve gotten a lot better about getting rid of things. Seeing all your stuff underwater or soaked with water makes it pretty easy to see what is important to keep and what needs to be tossed.

25. This list has taken me entirely too long to write! Am gonna publish it already! No need to make your own list, as you either already have or aren’t going to! 🙂

 

A Sense of Connection

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Connections

Connections Image by bupowski via Flickr

Well, I completed the 40 Things challenge last week and used this past week to think about what is next.  I am going to try to blog Monday through Friday about the five senses outlined in the Satellite Sister’s book.  Set mini-goals or write about things that give me that Sense.

So it’s Monday and I’ll write about the Sense of Connection…

It’s ironic that Monday is also the day that I go “home” and sing in the choir that we started six years ago in my hometown.  I sleep at my parents’ home and connect with friends from home.  I love singing in this choir and the weekly connection we have through the music and our time together.  This fall I’ve also been walking with a friend after she’s done with work (or even walking on her lunch hour!), watching some hometown volleyball games, hanging out with my daughter and parents, and even helping out around the ponderosa (what we call my parents’ home).  Tonight I’m going to visit a friend I haven’t seen for a while and I’m happy that we’re getting together over a bottle of wine.  We both need it.  🙂

I had a busy week and weekend of connecting with friends and family.  Book club with friends from where I used to work, watching football (two games Saturday!), family meals, walks with friends, movies with friends, and meeting new friends.

I still have a few Thank-Yous to write from my birthday and a letter to write to a former student.  I used to be really good at writing letters and I’ve had it as a personal goal for a few years to stay connected with friends by sending cards and letters when I think of someone.  I have all the cute blank cards and stamps and return address labels needed so that is not an obstacle, but I don’t always do well and even emails aren’t always sent when they should be.  So it is an ongoing personal goal to maintain connections with people through phone calls, cards and letters.  Even emails.

What do you do to stay connected?  Do you have weekly check-ins with friends or family to maintain a connection?

Off to read!

Anna Karenina Readalong

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Main characters and relations in Anna Karenina...

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“You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.” —C.S. LEWIS

Wallace at Unputdownables is hosting a readalong of “Anna Karenina.”  I was one of the first to tell her I was in and she had a copy of the book that she sent to me, so I have a BIG, beautiful copy of the book!  I was a little behind, as I didn’t start reading it until Wednesday night, but it was easy to catch up and I finished our assigned reading for the week last night.  Handling it in chunks is going to be nice.  Discussing it with others is going to be even nicer!

Because I just finished my book club book (“Loving Frank“) and just had book club discussion about it last night, it was still fresh in my mind when I was reading Anna Karenina.  So my first thoughts of the book are in relation to that book and the book discussion.

How are they related, you ask?  Mamah, the ‘mistress’ in Loving Frank was a language scholar and worked as a translator.  So when I began reading AK, I thought a lot about the translators and the roles that they play in the storytelling.  I thought the description that Mamah gave to Frank about how a good translator takes not only the words but the thoughts and feelings behind the words to find the best translation was very interesting, and something that I hadn’t really thought of before this time.  Frank and Mamah worked on poetry and prose together and attempted to put out beautiful translations.

Another topic that came up in discussion last night was whether or not affairs were more or less commonplace in the past than they are today.  There were mixed feelings about it, because the stigma of divorce and societal exclusion in the past may have made illicit affairs more common.  People had to go very underground if they were pulled by a new attraction.  People married for different reasons in the past (at least in these books!), not necessarily for love, so if they felt attraction and understanding outside of their marriage it may have been not as difficult to ignore.

I’m not sure of those ramblings made much sense, but it framed the thoughts that I had while reading this first section of AK.  I thought it was interesting that it was out there for all (in the family) to know when Stiva had an affair.  No secrets kept between husband and wife alone.  Makes you wonder about their relationship in particular and marriages in general in this time, in this country, in this nobility.

Well, those are some general (not specific to Wallace’s questions today!) thoughts about week one of AK!  Yay!

Off to read!

Audiobook: My Life in France

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My Life in France
I just finished listening to the audiobook as I pulled into book club (to discuss “Loving Frank“) and realized that it’s Thursday and Words and Peace has her weekly “I Love France” meme on Thursdays!  Once again I’ll participate!  So at the last minute on Thursday, I’ll post about Julia Child and her memoir about her life in France.
Listening to a book is always a much different experience than reading a book, and I think this would have been good to read.  There are recipes recited and French words and phrases spouted without definition and I think I would have taken more in with my eyes than my ears.  But I liked the general feeling that I got from the book.  I liked hearing about the love that Julia and her husband had for each other, the support that Julia got for finding her passion in cooking, and the fascinating process they went through to get “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” published.
Now I want that cook book, although Julia realized at the time of its publishing in the 1960s that it was already pushing the limits of what the American housewife would tackle, in the time and care that the French pour into their food preparation (and eating!).  But yet the book and its successor were popular, as was the television show that she began filming.
I will have to look up episodes of her TV show and think about tackling some simple French meals!
Off to read!